This was an unplanned pregnancy but as soon as me and my partner found out we fell in love with the baby, he kissed my stomach regularly and we enjoyed feeling how hard my belly got over the weeks, we were so excited!
One morning I woke up with belly pains which I thought nothing of and booked an emergency appointment at the doctors thinking they'd say it's normal take some pain killers, but as precaution they sent me for a scan which I hadn't had as we only assumed I was 8 weeks.
The scan revealed I was in fact 14 weeks but the nurse found fluid under the babies skin, so we were sent for another scan by a doctor.
After 3 hours of waiting we finally got the scan which the doctor informed us there was a lot of fluid inside babies skin which caused the neck to swell up to 10mm, a normal babies neck should measure around 1/2mm. Anything over 3.5mm they treat as high risk of chromosome problems.
Also the babies belly and chest were very swollen to the point the baby looks a lot bigger than what it should be at 14 weeks.
Due to these complications the doctor said there may not be a heartbeat next time we go in.
Absolutely devastated and unable to leave my bed or stop crying we returned to do another scan which revealed the swelling had increased. Trying to hold it together I asked as many questions as I could and the doctor discussed our options.
As he talked more it came more apparent that he didn't think the baby would survive longer than 20 weeks and it would be safer now to do a surgical termination not abortion as I didn't choose this, I want my baby and I still do.
I'd do anything for my baby to be in my arms in July.
Being so far along I had to birth the baby and go through labour, the physical aspect is fine as there is no pain. The mental, however, I will never forget my baby and I'm sorry every day that I couldn't care or raise it like other mothers have the privilege of doing.
Mothers are a blessing to the world if I'm lucky enough to ever carry a baby again and there's no complications I'm going to be the best mum!
In the picture there's red circles on it that shows where the swelling and fluid is on the baby.
Devastated is an understatement and I will always love my baby, even though I didn't get to meet him or her.