Losing part of yourself

Story by Radka, 

Hello there,

My name is Radka, I am 30 years old and have one child who just turned 3.

I just experienced my 3rd miscarriage, it happened just before Christmas and was very stressful and still as difficult to accept as the previous 2 miscarriages I had.

With the first one, it was quite easy to take, I just told myself it's not meant to happen and it happens to so many women it's kind of normal.

The second one was very difficult to take which made me start questioning what is wrong and why is this happening.

This is why I went private back in Bulgaria where I am from, and did all the tests needed to find out what might be wrong.

One of the genetic tests came out with a result that I have Thrombophilia which meant that my blood is too thick and develops clots which is probably the main reason for the baby to stop developing.

So the solution to this problem was to start injecting myself with blood thinning medication from the first day of pregnancy which happened about 3 months after I was diagnosed.

The doctor assured me that there won't be any problems as long as I have the injections everyday throughout the pregnancy.

Well this was probably not enough because at 12 weeks went for a dating scan and the baby didn't have heartbeat anymore. Only 10 days earlier I had need to a private scan and it was developing fine there was heartbeat which made me relax a little bit and try not to worry too much.

Still couldn't wait for weeks 12/13 to pass as my previous 2 miscarriages also happened at the same time.

Now we have sent sample of the placenta to be examined for chromosomes and genetic tests and hopefully something will come out and doctors will be able to say why this happens and what might be the reasons.

I am trying to be strong but really do not want to go through any on this anymore. The most difficult part is having my pregnant friends around and watching them grow.

I am still grateful and happy that I have one child and just can not explain myself how come the first pregnancy was perfectly fine and everything seemed so easy, it's not like it has been ages away.

Wish everyone to be healthy, strong and not to give up.