I found myself becoming obsessed with getting pregnant

Now I know the stress I was bringing on wasn’t helping.

May 2016

Me and my husband got married in June 2010 bought our first home and by December decided we would try for a baby. January I got that positive test, I couldn't believe how fast it happened think I was shocked also! Couldn't wait to tell my mum and dad everyone was delighted never in my wildest dreams did I think anything would go wrong. A few days later I started to spot lightly, I did the whole 'dr google' thing and read a lot of things many saying that 'spotting was normal' and a sign of 'implantation.'

I went to the GP to let them know I was pregnant and mentioned the spotting so they sent me for a early scan.
I should have been around 6 weeks but when they did the scan they couldn't see anything and suggested maybe my dates were out so I had to have a blood test and then repeated 48 hours later to see if my hormone level increased. I kept spotting and later that day I got the call to say my levels had dropped and I had miscarried. I had another scan a week later to check and my womb was empty. I was totally devastated I honestly never thought 'it would happen to me' , but we brushed ourselves off and started to try again. 

It took a few months and I found myself becoming obsessed with getting pregnant and now I know the stress I was bringing on wasn't helping.

Eventually I got that positive test but I was nervous straight away.

Two weeks later I started bleeding I knew what was happening I couldn't 'stay positive' I knew for the amount of bleeding no way it was normal. More scans confirmed another miscarriage I went home and suffered the miscarriage at home. It was awful so painful and I was scared of the pain didn't know what was happening. I knew when it happened and my heart sank. 

We fell pregnant a few months later again and all was going well, my GP referred me for a scan at 6 weeks we saw our baby; heart beating and growing well. The consultant was lovely and said he would rescan me in another 2 weeks. We went back excited this time only to be told our baby had died few days after my 6 weeks scan-it was a missed miscarriage. I went home to decide on my options totally devastated. This was the hardest one as I had no bleeding, I wasn't prepared and thought all was OK this time.

I came in two days later for the D&C procedure and took a few days off work. I decided I was going to give me body a rest and look into why I had suffered these miscarriages. The consultant brought me back for the tests to determine why but  all these tests were normal. No abnormalities ere found, my husband said that's a good thing but for me I was more frustrated as to 'why' this was happening and no one could tell me.

I'd done a lot of reading online and researched into different doctors who specialise in recurrent miscarriage. I was making plans to travel to England to see this doctor, when I fell pregnant out of the blue. My immediate response was fear.I had scans 6,8,10 weeks and baby was doing well but I still couldn't relax always waiting on bleeding to start. I told me consultant that I'd started taking  aspirin and he supported my decision and told me to keep taking it until I gave birth. At this stage I couldn't even see that far ahead but took each day as it came.

It was a long 9 months but my beautiful amazing little girl arrived 4 days early and has made our lives.

She was worth every bit of pain and heartache I went through and I always say I would do it again in a heartbeat. Three years later I eventually had the courage to try again, I wanted another child and wanted my daughter to have a sibling. The GP prescribed the aspirin this time around. I had some brown spotting and straight away thought this was end of it but scans showed healthy heart beat so kept going and had 12 week scan and baby was doing great.

I am nearly 7 months pregnant. That nervous feeling will never leave me but I feel incredibly blessed after all the heartbreak we have our happy ending.

Just keep your spirits up, I know it's hard but you will get there with the right help. xx

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