Giving birth to a stillborn baby

On this page

How to prepare for a stillbirth

Who to bring with you to the birth

Deciding how your baby will be born

Waiting to go into labour

Having your labour induced

Pain relief during labour

Delivering the placenta

Having a stillborn baby by c-section

What happens after stillbirth

More information and support after stillbirth

It is devastating to find out that your baby has died before labour has started.  

You may find it hard to process anything you are told at this point because of the shock. If you're alone in hospital, ask the staff if they can contact someone close to you to come in and be with you. It can be helpful to have someone with you such as a parent or friend as well as your partner, if you have one, while you talk to doctors and midwives about the next steps. They will talk to you about the different options for giving birth. 

"There was a lot of information to process and part of me wanted the decision to be taken out of my hands… I felt an enormous burden to try and work out what to do in the midst of feeling so utterly devastated. Kate [midwife] was incredibly helpful at taking time to sit with us, listen to us and give us space to work it all out." 
Lucy, who lost her son Jude. Read Lucy’s story.

Legally, it is the birthing mum/birthing person’s decision how to give birth to their baby. Because of this, the information on this page is for them, but we hope that dads, partners and birth partners will find it useful too.  

How to prepare for a stillbirth

You may be offered the opportunity to go home to prepare for your birth. Ask your midwife about what you could bring. Here are some suggestions: 

• cool clothes (hospitals can get very warm)
• food, snacks and drinks to keep you going through labour
• home comforts such as a dressing gown, slippers and pyjamas
• big pants and maternity pads for the post-partum bleeding (this bleeding is much heavier than a period)
• breast pads
• things to relax you and make you feel more comfortable such as your own pillow or music to listen to.

Although it may be very difficult, try to think about anything you would like to bring for your baby. Perhaps a special babygrow, blanket or cuddly toy. If your baby is very premature, the hospital should be able to provide very small clothes, if you don’t have anything suitable. 

You may want to plan for what you would like to happen during labour and birth and afterwards. Your midwife can help you do this.

Your maternity team should also talk to you about the options for where you can be during labour and birth and support you to make a decision.

Who to bring with you to the birth

Having a partner, friend or relative as a birth partner to help you through labour can be a huge support. You might choose to have more than one birth partner.  

Your birth partner will also be able to talk to you about the birth afterwards and help if you can't fully remember it.

You should be able to have your birth partner(s) with you all the time. With your consent, the team caring for you will keep them fully informed and involved as much as possible.

Deciding how your baby will be born

Unless there’s a medical reason for recommending a c-section (caesarean), most people whose baby has died before labour begins will be advised to have a vaginal birth. This is because of the risks associated with c-section. The team caring for you should talk to you about the available options, discuss your preferences and support you in making a decision.  

Some people feel shocked by the idea of going through labour when their baby has died. But afterwards they may feel a sense of achievement and pride that they gave birth to their baby.

"Our initial reaction when we were told that our son had died was that we wanted to have a caesarean section. The thought of giving birth to a dead baby was almost unbearable. But of course this wasn’t just a dead baby this was our precious son and I am so glad that I was persuaded to give birth to him naturally. I feel proud of going through that for him. I held him within a minute of being born, after the midwife had dried him a little and wrapped him in a blanket – what a wonderful feeling that was to finally meet him." 
Kathryn, who lost her son Arthur. Taken with permission from the book, ‘Life After Stillbirth’ by Sarah Smith

Waiting to go into labour

If there's no medical reason for your baby to be born straight away, it may be possible to wait for labour to start naturally.  

If you decide to wait, here are some things to consider:

• You’ll need to have regular (twice weekly) blood tests after 48 hours. This is to check for a blood problem that some people get after their baby has died.  
• As time goes by, your baby’s condition will deteriorate in the womb. If you decide to have a post-mortem, this may affect the results. It will also affect how your baby looks when they are born.

You may change your mind about waiting for labour to start and that is fine. You will be making difficult decisions after being given this devastating news. Your healthcare team will not think you are 'being a nuisance', which is something parents have told us they worry about.

If you go home before giving birth to your baby, the hospital should give you a contact number so you can call them with any questions or concerns. Ask for one if they don’t. They should also tell you about any signs or symptoms that would need you to go back to hospital.

Having your labour induced

Your labour may be induced straight away if your health is at risk. This might include if:

• you have severe pre-eclampsia
• you have a serious infection  
• the amniotic sac (the bag of water around the baby) has broken.  

If you choose to have your labour induced, but there’s no urgency, you should be offered some time before this is done. This will give you a chance to start taking in the devastating news that your baby has died, make any necessary arrangements at home and think about how you might want to say goodbye to your baby.  

If you go home first, you should be given a 24 hour contact number to call for any information or support. You may want to be induced as soon as possible. The team caring for you will support you in making a decision that is right for you.

Labour can be induced by putting a pessary tablet or gel into the vagina, or with a tablet that dissolves in your mouth. Sometimes, medicine is given through a drip into a vein in the arm. Your midwife can tell you more about this.  

It can take time for contractions to begin and they may be irregular at first. As your cervix dilates, your contractions are likely to become more intense and regular. Your midwife will be there to support you and will explain what is happening. 

"The midwives might leave you on your own during labour, but if you feel vulnerable or anxious and being left alone is making things more difficult for you, please talk to your midwife. Often staff leave parents because they feel they need privacy or are managing fine on their own. It’s all about communication." 
Vicky, specialist bereavement midwife

Pain relief during labour

Your midwife will talk to you about the available options for pain relief and will help you to be as comfortable as possible through labour.

There are things you can do that may help, too, including massage, movement, different positions and breathing techniques.  

Gas and oxygen (gas and air, Entonox) 

This is a mixture of oxygen and nitrous oxide gas, which you breathe through a mouthpiece. It won’t remove all the pain, but it can make it more bearable. Some people find it makes them feel sick, or sleepy, but you can stop using it if it does. Many people like it because it’s easy to use and you can control the mouthpiece yourself.  

Opiate injections 

Opiates like pethidine and diamorphine are medicines given by injection into your thigh or buttock. They don’t numb you completely but can reduce the pain. They take about 20 minutes to work and last between 2 and 4 hours.

They can make some people feel woozy or sick. Some people find they can’t remember all of the birth – it becomes blurry or fuzzy – and you may feel drowsy afterwards. Anti-sickness medication can be given (by tablet or by an injection) to help reduce this if you’re feeling sick or dizzy. Speak to your midwife if you start to feel this way as there is usually a way to improve this.

Remifentanil

Remifentanil is a medicine that goes into your vein in your arm. You control it yourself by pressing a button. It works quickly and wears off quickly. You can use it until your baby is born.

It can make you feel sleepy, dizzy or sick. These effects stop when you stop having the medicine. 

Epidural 

An epidural is a type of local anaesthetic. It numbs the nerves that carry pain impulses from the birth canal to your brain. An epidural usually, but not always, gives complete pain relief. It shouldn’t make you feel sick or drowsy. 

If your baby has died sometime before you are in labour, your blood clotting will usually need to be checked before you have an epidural. So it is a good idea to let someone know you are thinking about this type of pain relief in advance.  

A very fine tube is put into your spine by a specialist doctor (anaesthetist) and remains there throughout the birth. You or your midwife may be able to top up the epidural by pressing a button on a machine.

There are some possible side effects and risks which your anaesthetist will talk you through. For example, 1 in 100 people get a severe headache after having an epidural. 

You may need a catheter to empty your bladder. You’ll be monitored regularly, and your blood pressure will be taken.

Delivering the placenta

If you’ve been through labour, you’ll also need to give birth to the placenta. You may be offered an injection of oxytocin in your thigh, which will help deliver the placenta by making your womb contract. It is your choice whether you have the injection or not.

We know you might be feeling that you just want to be left alone with your baby. But the midwives need to carry on caring for you at least until your placenta is delivered.

If the placenta doesn’t come away from the womb or there are complications, you may be taken to theatre and given a spinal anaesthetic so your doctor can take it out. This is more likely to happen in stillbirths that happen earlier in pregnancy.

Your baby can go with you to theatre. It might be possible for your partner to go too. Keep talking to the team caring for you about what is right for you.

Having a stillborn baby by c-section

Doctors usually recommend a vaginal birth. This is because a c-section is major surgery, which carries more risks and can affect future pregnancies. It usually requires a longer recovery period in hospital, and at home, too.

However, there may be reasons why you want to have a c-section. Discuss this with your doctor. They will be able to talk through the risks in more detail so you can decide what you would prefer. 

If you have a c-section, you’ll usually be advised to have a spinal or epidural anaesthetic. This numbs the lower part of your body so you don’t feel pain, but you stay awake. There are fewer risks than with a general anaesthetic and usually leads to a faster recovery. It also makes it possible for your partner to be with you in the operating theatre.  

You can also choose to have a general anaesthetic, which puts you to sleep during the c-section, if that feels right for you.

A screen is placed across your body so you cannot see what’s being done but the doctor or nurse can talk you through it. A cut about 10 to 20cm is made across your lower tummy and womb. You may feel some tugging or pulling.

The whole operation usually takes about 40 to 50 minutes. 

What happens after stillbirth

If it is possible, your midwife will talk with you before your baby is born about what you would like to happen afterwards. You may want to see and hold your baby straight away. You may want the midwife to take them first. Or you may feel you will not want to see them at all. It’s also fine to change your mind. Taking some time to think about what you want to do will help.  

"Many parents tell us that they’re worried and anxious, sometimes frightened, about seeing their baby at birth. This is normal and understandable. It’s important to take the time to make the decision to see your baby. This should be supported by midwives, doctors, partners and extended family. Sometimes a couple may feel differently about seeing their baby and, again, that’s a normal reaction. Parents should be individually supported with the decision they make." 
Vicky, specialist bereavement midwife

"The midwives asked if I would like to see him but I was too frightened, something I will always regret. They asked if I’d like pictures, which I refused at first. If it wasn’t for the support of a very lovely midwife I could, in my mind, have made the biggest mistake of my life. Thankfully I changed my mind later that night." 
Shelley, who lost her son Joseph. Read Shelley's story.

When your baby is born, you can ask your midwife to describe them to you. The midwife could take a photo of your baby before you see them. Or you might decide together to just look and touch your baby’s hand and feet, while the rest of them stays covered.

Your midwife can wrap your baby in a blanket for you, which can help cover up any deterioration, if there is any. They can also place your baby in a Moses basket, or cot, in the room, so that you can choose when to see them. 

"I didn't want to hold my baby Erin after she had been born but my husband did, which I totally respected. We also arranged for the hospital chaplain to bless her, which was beautiful. I later changed my mind however and went to the chapel of rest to hold her and completely broke down. I’m glad I now made that decision, but everyone will feel differently." 
Bethan, who lost her daughter Erin

Spending time with your baby after they're born can be a precious time to create special memories and help you grieve. Your hospital may have a special cot that keeps your baby cool. This slows down deterioration so that you can spend more time with them. You may also be able to take your baby home in a cool cot if you wish.  

Read more about spending time with your baby and creating memories. 

"Heidi, my angel was put straight into my arms while I lay on the operating table. She was perfect. She had dark hair, long fingers and big feet. She was beautiful. They took her away to clean her up and the next time I saw her she was dressed in a special Moses basket waiting for us. There are no words to describe how utterly lost you feel at that point. I needed to grieve. I needed to go into a quiet room and completely break down." 
Rachel, who lost her daughter Heidi. Read Rachel's story.

More information and support after stillbirth

If you decide to spend time with your baby after they're born, we have put together some suggestions for things you can do, such as bathing and dressing your baby, and ways you can create memories.

We also have more information about what to expect in the next few days and weeks, including coping with the physical effects of the birth, such as your milk coming in and postnatal care after stillbirth.

If you are worried about what happens next, we have information about practical support such as registering your baby.    

Going through this experience can often be very traumatic. A bereavement support officer or bereavement midwife will be able to offer support. Tommy’s is also here to help you. You can talk to a Tommy’s midwife for free, Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm. You can call them on 0800 0147 800 or email [email protected]. All our midwives are trained in bereavement support and will be able to talk to you about what you’re going through.

Tommy’s Midwives also run a specialist Black and Black-Mixed Heritage Helpline through which you can book a call if this feel more appropriate to you.