You have the right to remember your baby and mark your loss in whatever way feels right to you. Women, birthing people and partners who have lost a baby in pregnancy before 24 weeks have shared their suggestions for ways to remember your baby. Not everyone wants to mark their loss, and that’s fine too.
On this page:
Ways to remember your baby
- Many families find it helpful to write about their experiences. You might want to try writing a diary or a letter to your baby.
- You can share your own miscarriage story with Tommy’s here if you feel able. Every story helps break the silence around pregnancy loss.
- You may want to keep scan pictures, your pregnancy journal if you had one and any health notes in a special box.
- Press and frame flowers you receive.
- Light a candle for your baby on anniversaries or other memorable dates, or during Baby Loss Awareness Week. (You could follow Tommy’s on Instagram to get reminders of when this happens.)
- Leave an entry for your baby in your hospital’s Book of Remembrance if they have one.
- Buy something special in memory of your baby, such as a piece of jewellery. You can find specific memorial jewellery online.
- Name a star after your baby. There are different companies that offer this service online.
- Create an ‘In Memory’ fundraising page.
- Plant a tree or flowers at home, in a pot if you don’t have a garden or live in a rented flat, or in a local garden of remembrance.
- Before 24 weeks, there is no legal recognition of your baby’s short life. However, some hospitals provide a certificate in memory of your baby. You can ask the hospital staff about this.
- In Scotland you can apply to record your loss in a special Memorial Book and to receive a certificate of loss.
- In England, you can apply for a baby loss certificate. You will soon be able to apply for one to recognise a past loss too.
- Get involved with Tommy’s work.
“My husband gave me a locket on our wedding day to put photos of our future children in. Around the time of our miscarriage, my locket got dented. It sounds strange, but I take great comfort in thinking that this little mark was a memory of our first baby.
“For a long time I didn’t feel justified in giving my baby a name. There’s such a stigma attached to early miscarriage, a lack of understanding. In the end I called him Ezra, it seemed wrong not to give him a name and doing so really helped me.”
Melissa's story. Read more miscarriage stories.
Holding a ceremony or memorial service
You may choose to have a funeral, ceremony or memorial service for your baby. You could have it just for you and your partner or ask close friends and family to come too.
There is no law about burial of babies born under 24 weeks. Some hospitals may offer a simple burial or funeral that may cost some money. Or you may choose a private ceremony in a crematorium or a service through your church, mosque, temple, synagogue or gurdwara.
You might want to attend a remembrance service. Ask your hospital chaplain if the hospital holds a service for babies who have died there.
Read more on our page about what happens to your baby after a miscarriage.
Saying Goodbye Services
Saying Goodbye provides support for anyone who has suffered baby loss, at any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in infancy. It doesn't matter whether the loss was recent or a long time ago.
Every year, the charity holds remembrance services across the UK and internationally for anyone who has lost a baby, regardless of how and when. If you need to say goodbye to a baby or to grieve, you are welcome at any service. Find out more about these services, including dates and locations.
Creating an In Memory fundraising page
Some women and couples choose to honour their baby’s memory with an online tribute page. This allows friends and family to show their support through messages and give donations to the person’s chosen charity. Some people see this as a way of channelling their grief into something positive.
If you would like to, you can create an In Memory Fundraising page for Tommy’s. All donations received through tribute pages come directly to us and are put towards our research. This help us to find out why babies are lost during pregnancy and birth and stop others experiencing the loss you have felt. Find out more about the difference our research has made.
If you have any questions about setting up a tribute page or have any problems doing so please contact us at [email protected] or call on 020 7398 3400.
This film was made in association with Stillbirth Stories. Some of the feelings and ways of remembering may feel right for you too.