I’ve run out of fingers to count the number of times we dared to hope and dream of our little family growing by 2 more tiny feet. My husband, David (39), and I (34) knew that we would potentially face a difficult road to starting a family before we got married in 2016.
This means, alongside several other symptoms, I don’t ovulate regularly.
After beginning treatment, we were surprised to discover that I had fallen pregnant fairly quickly but went on to experience 3 very early losses. After this, I was referred to the Tommy’s National Centre for Miscarriage Research in Coventry to see if there was an underlying cause.
With our very early losses, we barely had the chance to come to terms with the idea of being parents. But each one comes with that feeling of grief at what could have been.
Around Christmas 2019 we discovered I was pregnant again
This was the first time that we got far enough to see a tiny beating heart at a scan. We were over the moon. Was this our rainbow baby that we had desperately hoped for? As we neared the 10-week mark, the follow-up scan showed that the heartbeat had slowed and was barely registering. At the repeat scan just a few days later, our world was shattered as we had our worst fears confirmed. There was no heartbeat, and our precious little boy had been taken away from us.
I was booked in for miscarriage management the next day
Genetic testing was carried out to look for any potential cause for the loss. Just a few weeks later, the world was in the grips of lockdown and the COVID-19 pandemic, and I developed anxiety following complications. It’s under control, but 3 years on we still feel the impact of what happened every day.
Since then, we’ve taken part in two research trials – CERM and LOCI.
The CERM trial didn’t work for us, but I fell pregnant on the LOCI trial straight away. Sadly, this resulted in another loss at 5 weeks.
We have now experienced over 10 losses but each one of them is recognised by the Tommy’s team which gives us comfort and validation, no matter how early the loss was.
We knew our journey would be tough, but nothing can prepare you for the toll of miscarriage and pregnancy loss. Every positive test starts a cycle of hope and fear. Every pregnancy announcement fills you with joy, envy, and sadness. Every well-intentioned question about starting a family opens wounds.
In 2022 I ran the LLHM alongside David
We raised over £1100 – and through my ballot space for LLHM and charity space for the Great North Run next year, I’ve set my sights on a similar target.
Whilst we’re still waiting for our rainbow, we couldn’t be where we are without the support of Tommy’s.
Their research is vital to helping families like ours realise their dreams and continue to benefit from life-changing treatment and support.
LLHM 2023 is the due date of the baby we fell pregnant with on the LOCI trial – so it will be bittersweet to cross the finish line again, but I know Team Tommy’s will be there every step of the way.