We walked out with our memory box, while others walked out with their newborn babies in car seats

My first pregnancy  

I got pregnant after a short time of us trying in August 2023. It happened quite quickly, which was surprising to us. But we were so happy!

I struggled with some bleeding at around 8 weeks, which was scary. I had several trips to the EPU, including a reassurance scan which confirmed the pregnancy. We saw our little baby for the first time which was absolutely amazing.

It came to my 12-week scan in October. It was what the sonographer described as a “technically difficult scan” due to the position of my baby. They couldn’t get an accurate measurement and NT screening. But there were no actual issues spotted.  

We were so happy, and announced to our families who were over the moon.”

A problem with my baby

A couple of weeks later, we booked a private scan to try and get some better measurements. It was there the sonographer said he thought there might be a problem.  

My amniotic fluid was low, and my baby was very small -  they hadn’t grown much at all since the 12-week scan. I was given a report and told to refer myself to the hospital.

From then on, we went for several scans, every 2 weeks. At every scan, we were told doctors were concerned about my baby. They're too small, have an echogenic bowel, only one kidney, heart defect, talipes, flexed limbs and issues with the placenta.

But, I had blood tests and more scans, which came back low risk.  

I thought maybe I just have a small baby and the Doctor is mistaken. My baby’s position was always tricky to scan, so maybe they just couldn’t see them properly?”

A rare condition

I was then sent to the Fetal Medicine Unit, where we were told it was almost certain our baby had something called triploidy. This is a rare chromosomal abnormality where the baby has an additional set of chromosomes (69 instead of the normal 46).

I asked the professor, “so what does this mean? It’s ok, you can be honest with me”. He said “It’s lethal. Your baby will not survive until full term.”

After some time alone, we decided to go ahead with an amniocentesis, as this now seemed like the only way. The procedure was straightforward, and we were told to go home and wait for the results.

A TFMR

We got home and later that night, my waters broke. I went to A&E where I was admitted, and given a special room with my husband for bereaved parents to stay in.  

The next morning, the doctor came to see us. I’ll never forget what he said: “You have 2 options. Either we induce the miscarriage, or we wait for it to happen naturally. But the longer we wait, there is a risk you’ll contract sepsis and become very unwell”. My heart broke.  

I was desperately awaiting a 3rd option. Whatever happened, our baby would not survive.”

A day later we decided to have the TFMR. I was 20 weeks pregnant.  

Nina

I gave birth to my baby girl, Nina, on 23rd December. We got to spend quality time with her until we left the hospital on Christmas evening.  

Leaving the hospital that day was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Watching the midwife take our baby away in a little coffin, ready to go to the morgue.  

Walking out with our memory box and basket Nina was placed in, while others are walking out with their newborn babies in car seats. I cannot describe the heartache.”

It’s been 8 months since losing Nina. We’re coming round to the time when it’s now a year since we found out I was pregnant, announced our pregnancy etc. We’re feeling so sad, while remembering such happy memories…

My advice for others

The advice I'd give to others going through loss would be to take things one day at a time.  

Do what you need to get through this. Do what feels natural to you, and don't feel guilty for it.  

Feel what you need to feel, don't hold it all inside.  

No matter what kind of loss you suffered or at what stage in your pregnancy - your baby mattered, and they will always be your child.”  

If anyone says anything inappropriate or insensitive to you, make them aware. Just remember, lots of people say things with good intentions, thinking they are helping.