Reading other people’s stories helped me believe we would eventually have a baby
6 heartbreaking losses
My husband James and I first fell pregnant in 2017. Things were going well, and we headed into our 12-week scan feeling positive and hopeful.
Sadly, however, the sonographer discovered an exomphalos on the baby, which is a type of abdominal wall defect.
We were distraught and had no choice but to terminate the pregnancy at 13 weeks.
Over the next few years, we went on to have another 5 miscarriages, all before 12 weeks.”
Our last loss was twins, which was truly awful.
A struggle with infertility
Along the way, we found I had a few issues which didn't help the process. My womb is slightly smaller, and I was born with only 1 fallopian tube.
Because of this, after our third miscarriage we decided to try IVF. Sadly, we didn't succeed. We also found out I had a low AMH so had difficulty producing many eggs.
At the age of 40, we went down the egg donor route. Sadly, we had no luck with this either.
In total over 4 years we transferred 8 embryos (4 of our own and 4 through the egg donor route). All these transfers resulted in negative pregnancy tests.”
A miracle pregnancy
We were about to embark on another egg donor embryo transfer when I miraculously fell pregnant last summer.
My pregnancy wasn't plain sailing, and I nearly lost our baby at 18 weeks when my cervix started to shorten.
I lived in constant fear that a scan would reveal a problem with the baby. I'd go for reassurance scan after scan and each time I'd feel a little better but then the fear would set in again.”
I was fortunate enough to be under the care of a top consultant, who inserted a cervical cerclage.
I loved feeling our baby's movements, but I did end up in hospital a few times worrying I hadn't felt him move or that my cervical stitch was giving way. It was so hard not to worry with all we had been through.
Thankfully, our consultant was amazing and gave me so much reassurance. I saw her every 2 weeks throughout the pregnancy and each time she got a little more excited which really helped.
I was also supported during pregnancy by the Tommy’s midwives over the phone. They were great! I remember one in particular who I spoke to after I'd had my cervical cerclage and she was so understanding and helpful. She assured me everything I was feeling was normal.
Tommy's also had lots of information on the process of having a cervical cerclage which was so helpful.
Our son, Guy
The cerclage held our baby to 37.5 weeks, when he was delivered. Guy Theo Thomas Gilbert arrived on 28 March 2024.
To this day I will never know how we managed to have a healthy baby boy after all the losses we experienced. Nature has a funny way of working!
I must have read every story on the Tommy's website and these helped me immensely to keep going.
Whenever I was having a difficult day I would read an inspiring story and it really helped me believe we would eventually have a baby.”
My advice to others
My advice to anyone else going through baby loss would be: don’t give up! We went through so many dark moments on our journey, and I know how it feels when everything seems to be against you.
I always remember the advice given to us by 2 consultants: The first told us to still try for a natural pregnancy even if we were going down the IVF and donor eggs route.
The other told us in his opinion having a baby is a numbers game, and if we were willing to keep going and persevere, he believed we would eventually have our longed-for baby.
My other advice would be to try and find other ways to be happy in your life, so having kids doesn't become your sole focus. I found this difficult to do I have to say!
We often went away for a break, just the 2 of us, when things didn't work out. Looking back, this really helped us as a couple to reset ourselves and focus again on the next step.
Finally, persevere and believe you will get there!
I always felt in my heart that I would be a mum one day and I'm glad I never gave up on that dream.”