Ms. Great Britain London: A Story of Motherhood, Heartbreak, and Resilience

I’ve always dreamt of being a mother, and I’m blessed with two beautiful boys, aged 2 and 6. However, my journey into motherhood has been complicated and, at times, devastating.

A dream pregnancy

With my eldest son, what started as a dream pregnancy turned into a nightmare when my waters broke at 20 weeks due to premature rupture of membranes (PPROM). I experienced bleeding and contractions, and doctors told me that my son had no chance of survival.

My world shattered. In the midst of confusion and anguish, I prayed to God, begging for a miracle, and against all odds, I managed to continue the pregnancy for another 3 months.

During those 3 months, I was confined to bed, drinking protein shakes, to help the baby grow as much as possible. I gained so much weight I barely recognised myself, and the experience turned me into an anxious person.

My son

My son was born at 33 weeks via emergency c-section. He was taken straight into an incubator before I could even hold him.

That first night in the hospital, with my son in a completely different building, was one of the saddest moments of my life."

He stayed in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for over a month, and I was forever grateful to the medical team and Tommy’s for their support and resources during such a difficult time.

6 devastating losses

After that, I had 6 miscarriages over 4 years. 2 of these were second-trimester miscarriages, in 2020 and 2023, which left me utterly devastated.

A part of me feels like it died with each loss."

The miscarriage in 2020 happened during the pandemic. Everything had been going well, and the baby was growing normally, but almost five months in, I went for a scan and was told there was no heartbeat.

I remember the sound of my own screaming in my ears, and everything after that is a blur. I don’t even remember how I got home.

Delivering my baby

There were also practical decisions to make, like how I would deliver the baby.

Due to COVID restrictions, my partner couldn’t stay with me in the hospital, so I opted for medical management at home. In hindsight, it was a terrible decision.

Without proper pain relief, the contractions were unbearable, and I ended up delivering the baby in my bathroom. They were so small—just the size of my palm—but perfectly formed with fingers and toes. I didn’t know what to do.

A few days later, my partner and 3-year-old child found me unconscious on the floor. I'd fainted due to blood loss and was rushed to the hospital.

Another late loss

My second late miscarriage in 2023 was also managed medically, but this time in a hospital.

I knew from DNA tests that the baby was a girl. She was tiny; they wrapped her in a cotton blanket and placed her in a small white box.

The experience felt more dignified, but a few days later, I was rushed to the hospital again due to severe blood loss. It was especially traumatic for my family, who feared they might lose me too.

My message to others

To other parents going through similar losses, I want to say: you are not alone.

Nothing can prepare you for a loss, no matter how many times it happens."

Loss takes you to dark places, raising questions and guilt—“Did I do something wrong?” It’s frustrating when there are no answers.

Therapy was beneficial for me, as it gave me a neutral space to talk without the guilt of burdening family or friends. Over time, I became more open about sharing my story, and I was astonished by how many people have gone through similar experiences.

Dealing with my grief

Since I already had children, I had to stay strong for them even though what I really wanted was to stay in bed and grieve. I experienced anxiety, general sadness, and I stopped sleeping for months. Every night, I would wake up at 1 a.m. like clockwork.

I now realise that in my attempt to be strong, I didn’t allow myself to fully heal."

If this ever happens again, I will give myself the time and space to recover.

Why I'm supporting Tommy's

I believe in the power of time and prayer as healers. But I also acknowledge that I am not “over” my losses, and it’s okay to admit that. I carry the pain with me, and I use it as strength and motivation to help my community.  

If I can survive such devastating experiences and still find strength, I know I can do anything. That’s why I am using my platform as Ms. Great Britain London to support Tommy’s.

I have exciting plans to fundraise so that they can continue their incredible work to fund essential medical research and also provide emotional support to families during these heartbreaking times. 

Knowing how isolating and painful these challenges are, I feel deeply connected to Tommy’s mission of saving babies’ lives and ensuring that families receive the care and compassion they need.