Our first pregnancy
Our first miscarriage in 2022 was an absolute shock.
I had pregnancy symptoms. I felt sick. I had the beginnings of a bump.
We went for a 12-week scan and planned to visit family immediately afterwards to tell them our news. I had a cake topper made with ‘Baby Williams’ on it, ready to place onto a cake to inform our family of the great news.
Then, during the scan, we were told the baby had no heartbeat. We just didn’t understand what was going on.
A second missed miscarriage
It turned out I’d had a ‘missed miscarriage’, with no outward signs. How was that possible?
When we conceived again within a few months, the fear kicked in immediately.
What if it happened again? And then it did. Another missed miscarriage."
Trying again
When I became pregnant for the 3rd time, I was riddled with anxiety. I couldn’t bear to go through loss again.
I wanted help but knew I wouldn’t qualify for any NHS tests unless I had a third miscarriage and I couldn’t bear the thought of that.
I spoke to a friend who told me she’d also had 2 miscarriages – something she’d not shared before.
She suggested I look into taking low-dose aspirin, so I spoke to my doctor about it.
I was prescribed progesterone and told there was no harm in taking low-dose aspirin, which is recommended for some pregnant women if they’re at risk of particular complications.
Knowing I was doing something differently this time around gave me some sort of reassurance, although the anxiety throughout was still overwhelming.
It had a physical impact – I ended up using crutches for a while.
A difficult journey
We were offered a scan every fortnight on the NHS but ended up paying for more so we could have one each week until 20 weeks.
Even then, a part of me didn’t really dare to believe until the day Shiva was born.
Oritsé has been amazing through all of it. The miscarriages were so tough for him. He suppressed his emotions for a while because he felt that, as a man, he needed to be the ‘strong one’.
It was very hard for me to talk to my wider family about it, too. I’m from South Asian heritage and the whole subject of miscarriage is such a taboo."
You’re expected to be married with children before you’re 30, but I was almost 40 by the time I had Shiva.
That meant I also had to deal with unhelpful language from some healthcare professionals about being a ‘geriatric’ mother – something else I’d love to help change.
Sharing our story
Oritsé and I are doing all we can now to talk about what we’ve been through.
It helped us so much when we lost our first 2 pregnancies to know we weren’t alone, and that’s exactly what we want to do for others."
And I don’t want to focus only on our losses. I want to give people hope, like Tommy’s does. It’s so important for anyone on this journey to know there can be light at the end of the tunnel.
