As I read other stories similar to mine, I finally didn’t feel so alone in this nightmare

Hoping for a rainbow

I've always wanted my own children, whether naturally or via adoption.  

As I write this, I’m currently pregnant and hoping this pregnancy goes to full term and we have a healthy little rainbow!  

Oliver

In April 2024, I was in France for work, and pregnant, having had a fairly easy pregnancy so far.  

But, at 16 weeks and 4 days, my waters broke. There had been no precursors to anything being wrong, so it came as a major shock. As I was abroad, I didn’t have my husband Kieran with me and had a language barrier to face.

The medical care and midwives, nurses and doctors in France were absolutely amazing. They took me straight to hospital, where I was triaged quickly and seen by a doctor. This is where I was told our son still had a heartbeat, but his umbilical cord was already leaving my cervix.  

There was nothing we could do to save him, and the best thing to do was give birth to our son.”

Oliver was born sleeping at 22:24pm that evening.

Complications after birth

I had complications after giving birth, as my placenta wouldn’t come away on its own. The procedures I had were very painful, and I now feel worried about this in my current pregnancy.  

I was sent to have medical management to remove the remaining tissue which went well. I then had a few days in hospital to recover and meet our son.  

The care I received really helped me and Kieran (once he arrived in France the next day) cope at the time with the biggest loss we have ever dealt with.  

Coping with our loss

I would say Kieran my husband and our parents really helped us through the initial grief, along with the nurses in France who always called Oliver by his name or called him our baby.  

My parents took the role of telling our close family and friends what had happened, so we didn’t have to relive the pain every time we told someone. Both of our employers were also beyond amazing, giving us time and space to be able to mourn and deal with everything in France.

Once we returned home, this is when Tommy’s and other charities helped me. Tommy's gave me so much advice and support, helping me try to understand what happened and how I could feel in the upcoming days and weeks.

As I read other stories similar to mine, I finally didn’t feel so alone in this nightmare.”

Tommy’s were also extremely helpful when I fell pregnant again in September 2024, helping me find out where I could get advice and what I should ask my midwives for example.

The 12 week rule

I would like to remove this ‘rule’ people have about passing 12 weeks and being safe. No part of pregnancy is safe.  

A baby can be lost at 4 weeks or 34 weeks, and they are both as devastating for the couple.”  

I’d also love more research to be done into why second trimester losses happen. There were no signs in my pregnancy that anything was wrong or anything like this would happen. My waters just broke and next I knew, my baby wouldn’t survive.  

My advice for others

I would say, sit in whatever feelings you are feeling as these are extremely valid. Baby loss and pregnancy loss is such a devastating time for everyone.  

Be aware that grief isn't linear. Sometimes I have really bad days and some really good ones.”  

If you want to talk about your loss or anything to do with it, I would recommend talking as this is what helped me most.  

You can talk to family and friends, but you can also talk to people at Tommy's, who are super! 

Hopes for the future

Our current hopes for the future are that our 2nd pregnancy is free of miscarriage, loss or any complication.  

We hope our little rainbow gets to live in this world and we get to meet them and we get to watch them grow.”

As I’m currently 13 weeks, our very close goal is making it to 17 weeks or more, as this will be the furthest I have ever got in pregnancy. We have our fingers crossed.