Even now, as I cuddle my rainbow baby, I can’t quite believe we’ve made it through

Our first pregnancies

My husband Bob and I conceived easily, and 6 months after our wedding we were pregnant. After a hard pregnancy of hyperemesis gravidarum, a scary 20-week scan and lots of extra checks, we welcomed our wonderful Oscar into the world.  

Friends joked about how fertile we were and how easy it had been for us to get pregnant. We felt so lucky.  So, we decided to try for a second, expecting the same thing.  

Again, we conceived easily, but this time we lost the baby at around 6 weeks. We were shattered, but quite pragmatic. We took some time to grieve and process, and after 2 months we tried again.

6 losses in 12 months

Straight away, we were pregnant again. We were cautious and more anxious this time but again, a few weeks later the bleeding came. We’d lost another baby.

What was even harder was that I kept being told I had to have 3 losses before anything more could be done.  

By the time we tested positive again the third time, we weren’t excited, we were terrified.”

The conversation was all about how at least we’d get help if it happened again, which it did.  

Over the next 12 months we had 6 early losses.

Meeting with Tommy’s

After our 3rd loss, I reached out to Tommy’s in desperation. The email I got back was so perfectly worded and exactly what I needed. It was a bit of a struggle to get referred as my GP wasn’t sure if my losses were too early to count, but Tommy’s were so supportive.

The first contact we had with Tommy’s was a breath of fresh air, having felt that we weren’t taken seriously before this.”

In our first appointment, we saw a consultant called Ayesha, who was amazing. I was really upset and incredibly confused by this point, and she showed such compassion and understanding in the call.  

The compassion shown by Tommy’s, at every stage, was phenomenal. I was worried it was something we were doing wrong but was always reassured.”

A difficult and confusing time  

It was such a confusing time. I’ve never felt such immense gratitude alongside such feelings of loss.  

We were living a life that was so perfect that I felt guilty for wanting more. But I was so cross that it was something that came so easily to so many others.  

For the first time in my life, no matter what I did it or how hard I tried, I had no control over this situation.”

Everything felt pressured but I still had hope, deep down, that we were meant to have another child.  

11 months after our first loss, I got signed off work. It felt like it was taking its toll on the wonderful life that we otherwise had, and I needed to refocus and allow myself to properly grieve and process what was happening.  

It was during this month that I had our 6th loss. 6 wonderful rays of hope all gone so quickly. 6 losses in the space of a year.  

We realised enough was enough and my husband suggested a break from trying. It was taking over and becoming too much.  

Tests and treatments

During this time, we were still under the care of Tommy’s. We went through blood tests, scans and I had a hysteroscopy. I have a huge needle phobia and so surgery was a massive thing for me, but everyone was fantastic.

Everything on my tests was clear, but we continued to lose our pregnancies in the early stages.”

The consultant advised more tests for my husband, and suggested he take a medication to clear his psoriasis. It cleared up within a week!  

Deciding to try again

We continued with our break from trying and ended up with about 5 months off to refocus and relax. When we tried again, we got pregnant quickly.  

At just over 6 weeks, we turned up for our first scan. We’d been warned that it may be too early to see a heartbeat, but there on the screen was the best little blob with a beating heart that we could ever have hoped for!  

It was so hard to really believe it was happening when we didn’t have set answers on what had changed.”

When we told Oscar, his reaction was just amazing. He squealed and was over the moon. I had a really tough few weeks of panicking as to how on earth we would cope if anything went wrong now we had told him.

Our baby girl

We decided to find out that we were having a girl. I gradually got excited about buying clothes and believing we would get our rainbow baby. Our daughter, Freya, was born in 2024.

Right up to the labour, and even now, as I cuddle my miracle rainbow baby, I can’t quite believe we’ve made it through.”

Freya was always our favourite girl name, but before we decided for sure I wanted to google what the meaning of the name was. Freya was the “goddess of fertility, love, and beauty”. It was meant to be!  

We’ll never understand why we lost those 6 pregnancies, and we’ll always have that horrendous time as part of our story, but Freya has proven that she was worth the fight. She’s completed our perfect little family and we couldn’t be more proud of how Oscar has adapted to the long awaited role of big brother!  

I don’t think we could’ve kept going through the pain of the losses, if it wasn’t for the hope provided by Tommy’s.”

My advice for others

My advice for other families is: have one plan and give it time.  

It’s easy to become obsessive and so focused on having a baby that it becomes a minefield of confusion. Give yourself time and try to keep a positive mindset.  

The things you think are huge problems may not be as bad as you think- e.g. I was so concerned about a big age gap between my children and felt like Oscar would lose interest. But, actually he is a great big brother and having the bigger age gap now means I can focus on giving Freya the best start with baby classes etc, while Oscar is at school, that I couldn’t have done if Oscar was home with us too!