Even now, after all these years, I never stop thinking about her or speaking about her.

Losing our daughter

Our little daughter, Annabel Grace, was stillborn, a fortnight late, on 28th March 1983.  

I always had a feeling something wasn’t right, but no medical professionals thought so. This was even though I felt far less movement from around 36 weeks.  

A doctor visited us straight after the birth, saying she’d probably been dead for 4 days. We were also told we’d need genetic counselling before trying for another baby, as she had hydrocephalus.  

There was nothing wrong

We decided to have a postmortem, and were told we’d get the results in 6 weeks.  

My midwife called before the appointment to reassure us that actually there was nothing wrong with our beautiful baby. The hydrocephalus was the result of her cord being wrapped round her neck, which stopped the blood flow to her brain.  

Although it was a relief to know that she didn’t have anything wrong with her, it didn’t stop us from grieving for our longed-for daughter and sister to our little 3-year-old girl Maddy.”  

The hardest part was, and still is, the fact our baby was whipped away so we never saw or touched her.  

Another loss

After our daughter's stillbirth, I honestly thought I would never stop crying. But finding and speaking to other people who had been through the same helped me a great deal. To know we weren't alone. To share feelings and experiences.  

I attended meetings and baby loss events, which were really helpful.

The following year I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. No reason could be given.  

I had actually felt a little different the day before I started miscarrying, less pregnant. But it still came as a shock when it started during that night.  

Maybe the loss of our Annabel just slightly over a year before numbed us in some way, as  we don't recall feeling overly upset at all.”

Of course, we felt sad as we had already told folk and so had to tell them the news. I also had to go into hospital for a D&C so needed someone to take care of our eldest daughter.  

Managing the miscarriage

I went in an ambulance and the paramedic who accompanied me was very sympathetic and comforting, which helped me feel better.  

I can also recall being visited there late one evening by a chap from the hospital radio who asked if I'd like a song played and I chose 'Hello' by Lionel Richie which was in the charts. It seemed to suit the moment somehow and felt comforting.  

My mum had 2 miscarriages before my brother and I, and she tried to cheer us by saying we could always try again. Perhaps that's why our miscarriage seemed less traumatic, as we were so focused on having another baby.

That's what kept me going at that time, I think, the idea that we seemed able to get pregnant easily.”

Except after that we couldn't. But we didn't know that at the time of course.

Our rainbow

It took almost another 3 years for me to get pregnant again, and the whole 9 months I was a nervous wreck.  

Very thankfully, the pregnancy was perfectly fine, with no problems whatsoever. As Annabel had been a fortnight late, the hospital staff decided it would be best to err on the side of caution and I was induced a week before my due date.

Everything went really well, and eventually we had a perfectly healthy rainbow baby, Holly. She’s now a midwife. 

Speaking about my daughter

I always made sure to speak about my daughter to others who hadn't been through it, as well. I didn't want her swept under the carpet as she was our daughter after all.  

Even now, after all these years, I never stop thinking about her or speaking about her. It truly helps.”  

And I write my feelings down sometimes as that can be really cathartic.

Supporting Tommy’s

I discovered Tommy's after my loss, and knowing there’s a charity that funds research into such tragic happenings means a great deal. Anything that raises awareness and helps is of extreme importance to me. 
 
For our silver wedding anniversary in 2000, we asked that instead of any presents, if people wished to do so, then we’d love to have donations for Tommy's. Now we are planning to ask the same for our golden wedding anniversary in 2025.