Elle Wright shares the story behind her new book, A Bump in The Road

In this blog, Elle Wright, author and Teddy and Olivia’s mum shares the story behind her new book, A Bump In The Road. Elle shares her experience with pregnancy after loss, and how she’s become such a wonderful supporter of our charity.
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Guest blog by Elle Wright 

My journey into trying to conceive and loss began in 2014 when we started trying for a baby. In the Autumn of 2015, we found out we were pregnant, and needless to say we were over the moon. 

After a healthy, full-term pregnancy, our son, Teddy, was born via induced labour at 39 weeks.  

Heartbreakingly, Teddy wasn’t the healthy baby we had expected him to be and after he stopped breathing hours after being born, he was transferred to the NICU at another local hospital where he lived for just 3 days.

We found out some months later that he had been born with a rare metabolic condition. After Teddy died our world was completely shattered. I began connecting with other bereaved Mums through Instagram, and that was also when I discovered Tommy’s.

Over the past 5 years I have become a supporter of Tommy’s and have tried to use my social media platform to help them raise awareness and funds wherever I can. In 2018 I went on to write my first book about losing Teddy, Ask Me His Name, copies of which were also donated to Tommy’s.

Elle Wright and Teddy

Our journey after losing Teddy 

I hadn’t planned on writing another book after Ask Me His Name, but then again, I hadn’t expected our journey after losing Teddy would have become any more complicated.  

Sadly, after his death we went on to lose another baby at 15 weeks in early 2017. Following that loss, I experienced secondary infertility and after various tests, scans and fertility assisting drugs during 2017 and 2018, we went on to have 3 rounds of IVF treatment and another pregnancy loss.  

We then fell pregnant once more in late 2019, naturally, while we were waiting for another frozen transfer round. That pregnancy ended in the safe arrival of our daughter last summer. 

During those years of uncertainty and heartbreak I often wondered whether we would get the chance to become parents again.

Fertility struggles and further losses slowly began to take over every corner of our lives and I found myself dreading other people’s happy news. 

There were so many emotions to navigate during those years and I tried often to blog along the way, but always felt there was so much more to say. 

Elle Wright IVF

A Bump In The Road tells the full story of those 4 years

Every detail of the treatment we went through and the thoughts and feelings along the way. I wrote it in Spring 2020 while I was pregnant with our daughter, and so was able to include some chapters on navigating pregnancy after loss too.  

I wanted to be entirely honest in the book about everything we had experienced; primarily because I had felt lonely so often on that journey and I wanted to use my voice to help elevate those topics.

It was also important to me that the book included other stories too, and I am eternally grateful to Rachel, Vanessa, Zara and Sophie for sharing their personal journeys in the book. 

I have always been aware that my story of loss and fertility is only one voice, and I really wanted a book that reflected the journeys of more women so that other people might find comfort and community within the book.

I am a true believer since I began writing about Teddy, that writing or talking about our experiences can only help to pave the way for others to be able to do the same if they want to. I hope that in writing about these topics it will help to break down those barriers and lessen any fear that others might have when opening up to their friends and family. 

Elle Wright and Olivia

Pregnancy after loss can feel like a battle every day

Personally, I battled with fear, that I would lose another baby; but also, with guilt, that I had been robbed of that blissful enjoyment of a happy pregnancy and that I wasn’t able to enjoy it.  

I don’t really feel qualified to give advice as I’m not a professional in any capacity, but I can share something that I told myself each day during my pregnancy with our daughter. I just told myself to get through each day, one at a time; instead of trying to think month by month, or by trimester.

On the harder days I sometimes had to even take it an hour at a time, particularly towards the end of my pregnancy.  Equally, I reminded myself that it was ok to feel those moments without fear, and to embrace those little waves of excitement and happiness when they came, because those were the moments I lived for. 

I really hope that A Bump in the Road is a book for everyone; for those who have lived it themselves, but also those who wanted to understand infertility, loss, or pregnancy after loss a little more. I hope it can be the friend that some people need on their journey, or the book a friend can pick up to help someone they love to navigate a difficult road. 

Looking to the future 

I’ve spent many years now writing and sharing parts of my life, almost every day, through Instagram and my blog. I plan to continue my blog and the Mum’s Voice guest blog series for as long as there are people willing to share their stories; it has become such an important part of what I do and I know it really helps people to feel less alone. 

I also want to continue my support for Tommy’s, The Little Roo Fund (who I volunteer for as part of the charity group) and for Teddy’s Wish as a patron. Raising awareness will always be hugely important to us and it’s how we keep Teddy’s memory alive. 

Since taking a break last year after our daughter, Olivia, was born it gave me time away to really reflect on what is important to me going forward.  

We have waited so long for her, and I am really just enjoying being her Mummy. Everything else is very much second on the list to that role at the moment, after all, when all of this began that was all I ever wanted to be. 

 

You can follow Elle on Instagram, and buy your copy of A Bump In the Road at Waterstones