Miscarriage is an experience that each woman responds to differently. While emotions such as grief, anger and longing are common, the truth is that there is no single way that mothers feel about the loss of their baby.
For some couples the idea of trying for another baby soon after is unthinkable, you may need time to grieve and come to terms with the shock of what has happened before contemplating the next step. For other couples concentrating on trying again helps them process the grief and come to terms with what has happened.
Both of these responses are natural, normal and perfectly alright. This is a personal decision that you and your partner should make based on what feels right for you.
Tommy’s midwife Kate says,
“Trying for a pregnancy following a miscarriage is a very personal decision. From a physical perspective it is more straight forward; however being emotionally and mentally ready is very individual and different for everyone. It is not about trying to forget about the loss of the baby but being in a place where you feel you are more able to manage your feelings and cope with another pregnancy. Try not to rush in to any decisions and work together with your partner to find the time when you both feel ready”
Your GP may advise you to wait a while before trying again for physical or medical reasons. Your body goes through a lot during a miscarriage and some doctors suggest waiting until you’ve had a normal period.
Being mentally prepared for another pregnancy is entirely different to being physically prepared and this can sometimes take longer.
“Getting over my miscarriage was a terrible personal struggle and sometimes I felt so alone as I blamed myself for not being able to carry a baby properly.” Toni’s story of #misCOURAGE
You may feel terrified about the idea of falling pregnant again. One of the key obstacles many women talk about is the fear that they may suffer another miscarriage.
“My husband and I have spoken about planning another baby. I would love to try again but I'm so scared that I may miscarry again and worry if I could cope.” #misCOURAGE
Tommy’s National Centre for Miscarriage Research is currently working towards using research findings to create prediction models for women. The ultimate aim of this work is to be able to provide accurate information to patients and allow targeted interventions where necessary.
Tommy’s understands the impact that the fear of having another miscarriage can have and how traumatic it can make trying for another baby. Our research is aiming to make significant reductions in preventable miscarriages amongst women in the UK with a history of recurrent miscarriages which we hope will not only reassure women trying to get pregnant again, but also help more couples get their rainbow baby.
The most important thing to remember when contemplating trying again is be kind to yourself. Miscarriage is scary, unfair and heartbreaking and it may be a while before you feel ready to try again.
If you are struggling to decide when is the right time to start trying to get pregnant have a look at your advice page here.
Remember too that our midwives are at the end of the phone if you need personal advice or information on trying again after a miscarriage 0800 0147 800.