Questions about pregnancy
 – dads-to-be

Q My partner is pregnant and our relationship is really different now. She doesn’t always want to be cuddled but then she tells me that I’m not interested in her. It feels like I can’t win.

A It is not always easy to support women during their pregnancies, and at certain times some women do withdraw a little.

It might be that in your relationship previous to pregnancy cuddling has always led to sex. Now, your partner might be avoiding cuddles because she’s not interested in sex but doesn’t want to be put in the position of rejecting you outright.

Look for ways of listening to her and reassuring her that you love her. Your feelings towards the baby may be shaped by your frustration. Ask your partner if you can stroke her bump and talk to the baby. This will help your partner to see that you are interested in her and that cuddles do not necessarily have to lead to sex.

Amazing as it seems, your baby can hear you and will learn to recognise your voice. Building this bond before the birth of the baby will help you all.

Q I don’t understand my wife. She never used to be moody before, but often now she pushes me away.

A Hormones can significantly affect women in the first few months. Tiredness and fear of the unknown can then kick in later on.

When your wife is moody, try hard not to take it personally and overreact. She can’t help it. When she’s feeling good, be close and have a laugh together.

Ask yourself whether you’re really listening to her. Do you show her how much you appreciate her? The occasional token of affection can go a long way in a relationship. Flowers may be a cliché but are appreciated nonetheless.

Q What if I don’t love the baby?

A If you work hard at caring for the baby this is unlikely to be an issue. Be prepared to change lots of nappies, cuddle, dress and bath your baby. The more you do for your child in the first few days and weeks, the better your relationship will be – with your child and your partner. If you want to start early, begin stroking and talking to your partner’s bump.

Q Can we have sex during pregnancy?

A Sex is fine during pregnancy, as long as your partner feels like it and the doctor has not said otherwise. Your partner needs you to be understanding rather than demanding though.

Get into the habit of cuddling and hugging your partner without expecting sex. She will love you for this, and this will bring you closer together.

After your partner has given birth, you need to follow the doctor’s guidelines. In general, this means waiting until your partner feels ready. She might be feeling exhausted and nervous.

Plan ahead, buy some lubricant and let her set the pace. Be ready to stop if things get too uncomfortable, especially if your partner has had any stitches.

Don’t worry if it doesn’t go very well. Failed erections, leaky breasts and crying babies are all normal. Try to have a laugh and a cuddle. Working on the relationship will help you both to relax and make love again when the time is right.

Q How will I know when my partner is going into labour?

A This is an important question. Some women do have a few false alarms, but most start to realise that they are properly in labour when their contractions become regular and painful.

When contractions are lasting about a minute each and are coming every five to ten minutes, you should definitely be on your way to hospital.

If contractions are not this frequent, but your partner feels that she needs help, call your midwife, as not all labours follow the same pattern.

Another sign that a woman is possibly in labour is if her waters break. She will feel a gush of warm fluid as the amniotic fluid starts to escape. Don’t panic babies very rarely come flying out like they do all the time on TV. If things do move along very quickly and you are worried that you won’t have time to get her to hospital call 999 for an ambulance and they will talk you through what to do.