Questions about pregnancy
- your emotions

Q I am nearly three months pregnant and feel miserable, even though it was me who wanted this baby in the first place.

A The first three months of pregnancy can be rough. You’re about to make a huge life change and part of you needs time to take this in. Physically, you’re also likely to be tired and affected by mood changing hormones.

You will probably feel very different in a few weeks’ time, but you shouldn’t have to cope alone. Talk to your midwife or doctor about how you’re feeling, so they can help you.

Take time to talk to your partner. A little honesty can help you both to explore your feelings. Your partner might not realise what you are going through. If you talk to him about how you are feeling, you have a better chance of getting the support you need.

Q It sounds silly, but although we have been trying for over a year, I just don’t feel happy.

A We can’t always control our emotions and it’s normal to react to a new pregnancy differently from the way you’d imagined.

It’s difficult to sustain the same level of excitement all the way through and, thanks to the hormonal changes your body is undergoing, you are likely to go through emotional ups and downs. Try to focus on the positive side and your growing baby.

Q I had a lot of difficulties in getting pregnant and had two cycles of IVF. Now I will only have the usual scans and tests. I feel that no one is interested any more.

A IVF and other methods of assisted conception can wreck a woman’s confidence. Some women lose confidence in their own bodies. If their bodies did not manage to conceive, why should they be able to carry a baby through to birth without constant help? This fear might be at the root of your feelings. It will mean that you may take a little time to adjust to the idea that you are essentially healthy and that your body will not let you down. With each normal routine test and visit, you will gradually gain in confidence.

Q I am five months pregnant and getting fed up. Both my partner’s mum and my own mother keep giving me advice. How do I deal with my family?

A The arrival of a new baby is special in all families, but especially when it is a first grandchild. The birth of grandchildren also brings back some powerful maternal memories. This is why the prospective grandmothers are particularly enthusiastic and eager.

This might be a little too much for you now, but it might be useful later, as interested grandparents can provide free babysitting and support. If they live close by, maybe they could do some of your domestic chores so that you can rest. Or nearer the time they could cook some meals for the freezer to save you time when your baby is born.

Q I was delighted when I found out I was pregnant because I had been trying for ages. But now I just feel tired and weepy. Will I ever be able to enjoy my pregnancy?

A The exhaustion does pass. These first few months are tiring because your baby is developing so fast and is using lots of your energy to do so. Hormones are probably behind your bouts of weepiness.

Make sure you are eating well and take time for plenty of rest. Even if you are working hard, try to take time for yourself. Remember, the second trimester is usually less exhausting than the first so you can look forward to an easier time then. If as the pregnancy continues your mood does not lift and you find yourself crying more than normal, loose your appetite, or have trouble seeing any joy in the future then you should speak to your midwife or GP and ask for help. Some women do become depressed during pregnancy and you might need someone to talk to about how you are feeling.

Q What if I don’t love my baby?

A It can be hard to imagine loving someone you haven’t met yet! Try talking to your baby in your tummy. Just as you can feel your baby turning and kicking and even hiccupping inside you in later pregnancy, your baby can hear your voice and can feel the touch when you stroke your bump.

Many women say that seeing the baby at the second scan, when you get the best view, is the moment that they really began to believe in the baby and to love him or her. Some women feel an intense love for their baby when they are born, but for others it takes a few weeks to adjust – either way, it’s entirely normal.